You Give Me Hope
by Here-Comes-Treble
Summary: Eridan Ampora has been bullied for quite a while about his sexuality, weight, and appearance. Karkat Vantas is abused at home. They both have their eyes on one person, who seems like he could make their lives much better. [Red EriSol with other pairings. AU where the trolls live on Earth and lived more human-like lives. Rated T for now but may go up ]
1. Chapter 1

**[A/N: **This is my first fic! It used to be on my other account (which I've abandoned) so now it's here. I should probably mention that this has multiple triggers in it, like self harm, attempted suicide, molestation, mentions of rape, abuse, and eating disorder. Some parts are horribly OOC, too. :/ Meh, I tried. That is all.

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**January 23rd**

_"Dear Diary,_  
_Today wwas the wworst day I'vve had in a wwhile. Someone came up to me after school an decided to beat me up. I think I havve a broken nose. They hit me an kicked me an yelled words like stupid, ugly, an fat. Then they called over more people an it just got wworse... They all threw rocks at me and called me a "disgustin pompous little faggot". I don't evven knoww howw I managed to get awway, but I did, an I'm safe... at least for noww."_

I close my journal and put it back in its place, under my bed, then throw my purple pen across the room. It marks the powder blue walls with an ugly streak of ink. Heh.. just like me.. I think. I get up from my messy, violet-sheeted bed to get some food. I slowly open the door, like I do every day, even though there's never anything or anybody in my house anymore. I guess it's just a habit now. I walk down the long hallway, but stop halfway down it and look at myself in the mirror. Jeez, I look like shit. I have a black eye, and my hair is messy and filled with dirt. My cheek is blood-stained and I was right about my nose being broken. I sigh and turn back towards the kitchen. Groups of people like them have picked on me ever since I started school here.

I walk through the small room, not feeling anywhere near as hungry as usual, and grab a bowl from the cabinet, filling it with only some lettuce. I don't even bother to grab salad dressing. I grab a fork and head back to my room. I stop at the mirror again, noticing that I looked sort of... different. I set the bowl down on a table near me and go back to the table, lifting up my shirt. I was surprised at the sight. Wow... when did this happen..? I look a little overweight. I'd always been a little pudgy, but I've never looked like this. I suck my stomach in as much as possible, but there's almost no effect. I squish it around, thinking, and feeling completely, utterly, horrible. I sigh and pull my shirt back down and walk back to my room, falling onto the bed and falling asleep soon after.  
I never grab the salad. I don't eat that night.

When I wake up in the morning, I check my clock and immediately make my way to the shower. I probably still looked horrible, seeing how I never washed up last night. I begin to undress, trying to ignore the cold air that's always in my house. For a bit, I just stand in the shower, feeling the warm flow of water on my body. It was quite pleasant, actually. For a moment, I feel like I have nothing to worry about. However, any good thoughts I have are soon replaced with the memory of yesterday and I begin to tear up. I wipe my eyes. No, don't cry. You're not that weak. I make myself a mental note to avoid whoever beat me up yesterday, feeling upset that I had never got a good look at that one guy's face. After about ten minutes, I shut off the water and climb out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I slowly make my way back to my room to dress once I'm mostly dried off, stopping in front of the mirror again (although I tried to avoid it). What I see makes me feel worse about myself, because what that guy had said was right. I'm a stupid, ugly, faggot, And I was horridly fat. For some reason, those words stung in the back of my mind. "Fat, ugly, garbage; you fucking worthless faggot." I shake my head and walk back to my room. Once inside, I peek out the door once more and then close and lock it, letting my towel slip off my waist as I find some clean clothes. After a few minutes of searching, I find an outfit. First, as I'm sliding on my purple-plaid print boxers, I stub my toe on my dresser.

"Cod..fuckin' damnit.." I hiss. Next, I pick up my pants, dark blue jeans with black pinstripes. Then comes my shirt: a black long-sleeve with a violet Aquarius symbol on it. I put it on, being careful not to have it catch on my horns. I put on my glasses. They're large and sort of square, and the frame is thick. It's a good thing I've memorized the interior of my house; I can't see shit without them. Then, I slick my hair back like I always do, slide on my few rings and then take my scarf from its hook and wrap it around my neck. As I grab my shoes, the awful words echo in my mind once again. "You fat sack of shit." I really am worthless. I'm ugly and stupid and fat... I think. I skip breakfast that morning, grabbing my schoolbag and walking out the door.

On the way to school, I run into my best friend, Karkat Vantas. He's pretty short. If I wanted to, I could rest my elbow on his head (but why would I want to do that?). He's also almost always really angry about something. Sometimes, it's nothing. He has the nubbiest horns and wears a black turtleneck with a gray Cancer sign on it. As soon as we start walking together, he questions me.  
"Dude, what happened to you?" he asks, in his ridiculously loud voice. My face contorted slightly. He always sounded like he was yelling, even when whispering. That's probably the reason that no one ever tells him secrets. With his big mouth, they'd obviously get out.

"Some assholes decided to beat me up after school, but I'm fine. Don't w-worry." I reply. I hate my stutter. For some reason it only happens when I try to say W's. I also can't say V's correctly. Those come out as normal W's. I have no idea why. I notice Karkat- or Kar, as I call him- frowning a little.

"Do you remember what they look like? I can get Gamzee to kick his ass for you," he offered. Gamzee, my other friend (well, sort of friend) is a tall guy, probably over six feet, and he's always wearing face makeup. He may look a little scrawny, but he's a lot stronger than he looks. One time he almost broke a guy's wrist when he was angry by just grabbing and twisting it.

"No, it's fine. I can't remember the faces anyw-way," I say.

"Okay, let me know if you spot him or if you change your mind."

"W-will do."

We walk in silence for a time after that. I look around at the scenery to get my mind off of things. I noticed that the air was cold and damp around us. Great. It's gonna rain soon.. I think, remembering that I forgot an actual jacket. All I'm wearing is my shirt and scarf. They sky was filled with light gray clouds, that got darker in the distance. I continue walking until I feel something tug at my hand.

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Kar yells, pulling me away from the road. I didn't notice that I had almost crossed the street while the light was still green, and there were cars everywhere. "You're kind of out of it, today. Are you sure you're okay?" I could hear the hint of concern in his voice.

"I'm fine, really," I say, giving him a small smile. He sighs.

"If you say so. Now, wait for the light this time, douchebag." I chuckle lightly and wait with him for the light to turn red. When it does, we run across the street. There's never enough time to walk across this street. It's almost always busy. I look in the distance. We were almost to school.

When we got there, it had begun to rain. Everyone was inside for the few minutes that they give us before the school day started. When we finally found the rest of our friends, I look instantly for one person. As soon as I spot him, I walk over.

"Hey, Sol," I say cheerfully.

"Thup, fishdick?" replied an extremely attractive, tall troll, with the best red and blue eyes, and the cutest lisp ever. His name is Sollux Captor, and I am completely, head-over-heels in love with him. Of course, I could never admit this.

"I just w-wanted to say hi and ask how-w you are. So.. how-w are you?" I asked, trying not to get caught up in his features. He has neat hair and two sets of horns, the front larger than the back. His glasses were red and blue, the same as his eyes. He wore a t-shirt with a yellow Gemini sign on it that hung down slightly past his collarbones, and gray skinny jeans, along with one black shoe and the other white. He was just so fucking perfect. I sighed internally, knowing that there's no way he could feel the same. His feelings for me are strictly platonic.

"ED." he says sternly. I snap out of my thoughts, looking up at him. When did I start looking at the ground? "Dude, are you even lithtening?"

"Yeah, sorry," I say, careful not to let him know of my feelings. "I just havve somethin' on my mind." My speech impediment is making me feel like I'm fucking stupid. Ugh. I internally facepalmed at what I said. Now he's gonna question me.

"I thaid I'm doing pretty good. And you?" Or not.

"I'm doin' okay."

"Well, that'th good," he replied. Luckily, before I could say something to fuck this up, he turned back to the others. By 'the others', I mean Kar, Gamzee (or Gam), and Tavros. Tavros has been in a wheelchair for a few months now, since his robot legs that he had made for him broke. He kept wearing them, though, so he doesn't look like a random torso on a wheelchair. They keep covered by his long pants. I have most of my classes with him, so we usually walk together. His horns are wide, though, so I have to keep at least three feet to the side of him to avoid being jabbed. Everyone suddenly begins talking at once, as if we hadn't seen each other in months, though it had only been a day. Nobody questions my wounds. Then, the bell rings, and we make our way to our lockers. I part from everyone to get to my own before everyone else does, that way I'm not shoved up into any lockers by anybody. I begin to put in my combination. _45...12..._

"Hey, faggot!" said a mean voice at the other end of the hall. It was the guy from yesterday. A few others giggle, and I can tell that it's the whole group. Just ignore them... I told myself, starting my combination over. Forty... five? Right... Then what?

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" The voice was coming closer. I desperately fumbled with my lock. Damnit! What's the combination? I can't remember! Shiiiiitttt... Forty- My thoughts were interrupted by a hand pressing me against the wall next to the lockers. Oh, how I wish the teachers were up here already, but no, they have to take their sweet-ass time. I look at the guy's feet, and try to ignore him. Bad move.

"Hey, are you deaf or something? I'm talking to you, fattie!" I just tune him out. Everyone else had to be up there soon, right? They'd see what was happening and stop them. But wait.. Gamzee's locker is downstairs, and everybody else is on the other side of the wing. Dammit! "Hey, shitstain!" The boy slaps me, almost knocking my glasses to the floor. Another one of them pokes my stomach.

"Look how scared he is!" called one of the girls. Her disgusted tone wasn't making me feel any better. The first guy pulled my shirt up, stopping below my ribs, and slapped my stomach. "That's so gross!" screeched the same girl.

"Hey, fag, you should cut down on the sweets! Soon you won't even fit in the chairs here!" he laughed. Laughed. Why was he being entertained by my suffering? I keep looking at the floor. "Hey, what's this?" he asked, prying my purple book bag off of my shoulders and back. I stiffened, hoping that they won't go through it. But of course, they do. They throw my textbooks to the floor, along with a few pencils. Luckily, I hadn't brought my iPod today. Then, they find my notebook. I want to scream. I want for my friends to show up, for anyone to show up, but for some reason the hallway is mostly empty, and already pretty loud. And if they showed up, I'd just be called a wimp for not sticking up for myself, but I..I can't..

"Oh my God! Get a load 'a this! Fattie here actually is a fag!" snorts one of the other boys. My knees start to shake. I can't move, or say anything, let alone scream. "Look, Matt! He's drawing his fucking boyfriend!" I feel myself go pale. I still can't choke out any noises. Someone... help me..  
The one called Matt looks at my notebook and starts to crack up. Meanwhile, I'm about a minute away from tears. Suddenly, he throws the notebook at me, and it knocks off my glasses. My knees give out and I fall to the ground, tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. I still refuse to look at him. He gives me a last, extremely hard, extremely painful blow to the face with his palm.

"See you later, faggot." Matt says, and then they leave. As they walk away, I try to pull myself together. "He's disgusting!" I am visibly shaking. "Fucking faggot!" My hands a trembling so violently that I can't find my glasses. "Wanna beat on him again later?" I take a few deep breaths, focusing on not hyperventilating. I can't let my friends see me like this.. They'd question me, wondering why I was so shaken by only a few hits. Then, I'd have to explain to them about.. 'Mom'... I calm down a few minutes later, finally. The teachers begin making their ways upstairs. I retrieve my scattered school supplies, then turn back around, and with a semi-steady hand, put in my locker combination. _45...12...23..._  
The lock clicks and I open my locker, grabbing my things for first period, Study Hall. stand up and see Tav wheeling towards me. I give him a smile. He smiles back, and I make my way to him. We then down the hallway to the elevator. I walk in with Tav behind me, and I press the button to go downstairs.

Once in study hall, I boredly took out my notebook- the one those jerks had stolen earlier- and flip to a fresh page, making sure no one can see what's inside. I finish all my work on time, so study hall is kind of pointless to me. I usually use it for drawing practice or for some reading. I began to draw the base for a person with my pencil. I thought about what that jerk 'Matt' had said earlier and I felt some twisted mixture of sadness and rage. Before I could begin drawing, the teacher left the room and Tav passed me a note, while others texted.

_hEY_  
_hi tavv_  
_uH,, wHO ARE YOU DRAWING?_  
_i dont knoww yet_  
_iTS GONNA BE SOLLUX,, iSNT IT_  
_wwhat no wwhy wwould you think that_  
_i SAW SOME OF YOUR DRAWINGS,, tHEYRE ALL OF HIM_  
_pLUS, iVE SEEN THE WAY YOU LOOK AT HIM_  
_yOU LIKE HIM,, uH, dONT YOU?_  
_...okay maybe a little_  
_i WOULD HELP BUT i HAVE NO IDEA HOW. sORRY_  
_its fine. thanks anywway_

The teacher walks back in, and I look back at my notebook, trying to push earlier's thoughts of 'Mom' out of my mind. I decided to try to draw Sollux again. I began to add to the base, drawing in the basic body shape before the face, hair, and clothes. I sighed in my head. He was so easy to draw. I had drawn him at least 20 times, or at least doodled his name. I close my notebook after shading in my drawing and look at what's on my desk. There's a few folders, two pencils, and a novel of Shakespere's Romeo and Juliet. I've probably read it over ten times. It was my favorite book. Shakespere really was a great playwright and writer in general. I read a few pages, but then the bell rings for my next class. The next few periods before lunch zip by as usual, and soon, I'm putting everything in my locker and walking to the cafeteria. Alone.


	2. Chapter 2

I walk through the loud room, pushing my way through the crowds of people to get to the empty table near the window in the corner. I'm lucky that those who beat me up aren't in my grade, or I wouldn't want to go to lunch at all. I look out the window at the tar. The rain has stopped, but the ground is wet and the sky is still gray. Hopefully, we'll go outside after lunch. Soon, Kar walks over with Gam and Tav. They sit down, Kar across from me, Tav to my right, and Gam next to him. Sol usually sits with some other guys, but today he decides to sit with us. He takes the chair on the other side of me and I turn towards Tav a little.

"Hey guyth," he says.

"Hey man," said Gam, who's voice is deep from eating so much Sopor a while back. Now, he smokes marijuana.

"Thup?"

"Nothing much, bro. Just a bunch of motherfuckin' miracles up in here."

"That'th fun. How about you, KK?" he asks. Kar shrugs. He hasn't been very open with us lately.

"Why aren't you sitting with your normal group?" Kar asks.

"They thaid I wath being a douche and that they didn't want me sitting with them today," he chuckles. Then, the teachers who were too lazy to get their asses upstairs earlier sent our table up to get our lunch. They only send up two tables at a time to avoid a giant mess of people, not that it helps. Everyone gets up except me.

"Dude, aren't you gonna eat?" asks Sol. I shake my head.

"I'm not hungry today."

"Okay, then," he says before catching up with the others. I'm left sitting there alone, listening to the voices in the lunchroom. I look outside again and see that the sun has begun showing from behind the clouds. I smile a little and get caught up in my thoughts. I must have zoned out a little, because the next thing I know, everyone is back at the table. Kar throws an apple in front of me.

"At least eat this. I don't need you going hungry," he commands. I sigh internally and pick it up, taking a bite. Everybody talks about the normal stuff: classes, homework, girlfriends, et cetera. The rest of my apple goes uneaten. A while later, after everyone is almost done their lunches, another teacher comes and dismisses our table. I get up with everyone else and throw the rest of my apple in the garbage and head outside. It was cloudy and the air was still moist. I'm followed by everyone else a moment later, and it soon grows loud outside. I try to start a conversation with Sol.

"Hey, Sol."

"Hey. Oh, do you want to come over thith weekend? I have nothing going on, and I already athked everyone elth, but they're buthy."

"Um..." "Um?" really? "I don't really w-want to go anyw-where this weekend. I guess if you w-wanted, you could come to my place?" I offer. He shrugs.

"Sure, I gueth." he says and walks away. I smile. He's actually coming over. This is great. I look and see people heading inside, telling me that lunch is over, and I go with them.

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The class I have after lunch is music. My second-favorite of the day, the first being history. I like it partially because of the subject itself, but also because its the only class I have with Sollux. I walk slowly through the halls, trying hard not to be the first one there. I always am though, so there's really no way to avoid it, no matter how hard I try. I get greeted by the teacher, and take my seat. I hate being the first one there because the room is always silent. It only lasts for a few minutes though, because the teacher practices his piano playing while waiting for the rest of the class. That's another reason I like this class.

Soon, the playing stops as I'm joined by other students. Sollux comes and sits next to me, and with him is Aradia. I'm pretty sure she's his girlfriend. Well, she's lucky to be with him. I sigh internally (again), and open up my notebook. A different one than before; I don't need Sollux seeing my drawings. Aradia gives him a kiss on the cheek and walks out of the room to go to her own class. As she walks, her long skirt and hair bounces. After she leaves, the rest of the students file in and class starts.

For some reason, the rest of the day goes by pretty quickly, and before I know it it's last period. Math. Where I have a test. This is great. And it doesn't help that my mind is focusing on what might happen after school. The teacher passes out the papers and I get up to sharpen my pencil. When I sit back down, I take a look at the test and realize that I can barely remember how to do a majority of the problems. Just fucking great. I take almost the whole period to finish it. I probably got most of them wrong. Everyone gets up to talk with friends until the final bell rings. I stay in my seat and read, since I don't really know anyone in this class. When the bell does ring, I grab my things and practically run to my locker, so I can avoid that group. It doesn't work, though, and as soon as I get my bag, they're coming down the hall. I look to the ground and quickly go to find one of my friends before they notice me. Luckily, for once, they don't. I make my way to Kar, trying not to look like I just panicked.

"Hey, Kar."

"Hey. You already have your bag? How'd you get to your locker so quick?"

"My last class w-was in the same hallw-way. Hey, can I w-walk home w-with you today?" I ask.

"No, sorry. My mom's picking me up today because I'm going to my step-dad's." He sounds a little upset when he says this. I don't question it.

"Oh, okay." I say. Everyone else takes a bus home, so it's usually only me and Kar who walk. I guess I'll have to run home today if I want to avoid those guys. I make my way downstairs to get outside. I check a couple of times to make sure no one's following me. Of course, they are back there, so I start walking faster, glad that there are teachers all over the halls right now. I get outside and quicken my pace some, trying to get as much space between me and them as possible. When I start to feel safe, looking behind me once again and seeing that they're not there, I begin to slow down. A few minutes later, a rock hits me in the back.

"Hey you! Where do you think you're going?" SHIT. I hear footsteps coming closer to me, and then a hand is on my shoulder. My knees are about to give out, but I somehow keep myself standing. One of them hits me in the stomach. "You don't deserve to live, you worthless piece of shit," he smirks. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

"Aw, look, he's gonna cry!" says the girl from earlier. The guy slaps me again, harder than he did this morning. I try to pull away, but he keeps his grip on my shoulder.

"Fucking worthless fag," he spits, pushing me away. "Go cry to your mommy," he says and they leave. I stand there, frozen, as I watch them leave. They're laughing at me. Laughing at how pathetic I am. I turn around and start running to my house, and it starts to rain again. I get home and slam the door behind me, immediately running to my room. I slam my bedroom door and lock it, throwing my schoolbag on the floor and falling to my bed, crying.

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**[A/N: **Next chapter is in Karkat's POV~**]**


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